Daily Debate

That is what I, and we, have every SINGLE day.

What do "we" debate?  "We" is sometimes just me, myself and I and at other times is my darling husband and myself trying to simply figure out.....how 'Kelley' is going to make it through the next day.

THIS has become part of our nightly conversation.

How sad.

Even as I type this the tears flow...

I am blessed, I am loved, I have been touched by more friends of Christ than any human deserves.... yet, I am sad. Sad. Broken-hearted. Truly, at this point, devastated.

My life has changed.  It has no more become the question of how I am going to juggle mom, teacher, friend, sister, church leader, server of Christ, wife, etc.etc.etc....  It is now become the question of "What is going on tomorrow and how are "we" going to make it happen?"

And it so *&%^#$*^$*#$#&%^w#$*($%*#%^$ confusing because just in that statement alone.....I am more blessed than words.  "we" make it happen.  My husband takes on every moment of my day and gives his all to try and make it go the best HE can.  He buys me different soups.  Vitamin Waters.  Hummus.  He just wants to see me back to "me".  He, too, is tired of the Kelley that naps, Kelley that is weak, Kelley that skips IMPORTANT things, like church, PowerJam, weddings, and parties, and visits and, well...you get the point.

I ask God every single morning what He is trying to have me learn through this...and as of yet, I have no idea.

I just know that I am blessed, I am so happy, I am so lucky....

and at the same time, my heart hurts harder than I think...it ever...has...

I am truly at a loss...

And there are moments, though brief, where it is hard to see the light...