Saturday, July 14, 2012

How Could I Not? continued...

(I have not blogged for nearly a year.  And I have missed it.  For a handful of valid reasons, I was feeling "writer's block".  But, I have this great, big dream of writing a book, and so when my dear friend asked me to be a guest poster on her blog, I knew it was time to move the boulder obstructing my thoughts.  And I did.  And it feels great.  I hope to eventually get to the point to create a new blog to aid me in working on my dream.  But for now, I am just happy to have my heart allowing my mind to speak to my fingertips again.  Thank you to Beth (to see guest here) for the opportunity and assistance in helping me get back to something I love;
 and thank you for being my audience as I continue to scribe about serving, laughing, and loving.)

“How could I not?”

 How could I not still have faith and believe in our God, no matter what has happened to me?

 This is the question I finally decided to face and answer honestly.

 I looked up faith in the dictionary.,,

 Faith: to have belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof

I agree with that definition as it is written, right up to the end, ‘especially without logical proof’.
From the time I was 10 years old and this life of boulders was thrown at me, not once was He not there saying, “Let Me carry these burdens for you.” 

 And in that fact, I have very logical proof.

 I had grandparents who showed me what family was in so many ways. I have dozens of cousins, aunts, and uncles that I get to love, and I know love me, because of the many life events our family has done together. My grandmother was dying of organ failure when I was nine years old. I find proof in my faith that He kept her with us, for 30 more years. Without her, not only would I have missed out on buckets of family, I would not have the life experiences and knowledge that have carried me through and left me with numerous happy memories. Many times, my grandparents carried my burdens for me.

 I have two children who are healthy, intelligent, and well-rounded. They have a surplus of people that love them and share in their lives with them. I find proof in my faith that they exist at all and that they came from me. The two of them mixed with the most loving, dedicated, funny, hard-working husband, daily fill me with love and healing. Loving them grants me release from my burdens.

 Because of my two divorces, I have lived in a variety of settings, and have made some good, strong, supportive, life-long friends. These are relationships that I count on not on to share in life with, but who hold me, and my family up, when I cannot do it on my own. I find proof in my faith, that I have handfuls of people that I have the privilege to call friends. If I had not faced so many challenges, I may have missed out on these fantastic people and experiences. Santa’s list would have nothing on my list of the ways my community of friends have become my family, and truly, shown me unconditional love. They help carry my burdens every day, too.

The challenges and poor options of mine led me to Powhatan Community Church. Without that finding, I would have missed out on countless hours of happiness and joy. I find proof in my faith, in each message that has touched my spirit, every praise song that has spoken to my heart, and for each alliance added to my life.  Countless number of times, He has spoken to me through this church, and allowed me to find peace.  And, just knowing that His grace dissolves my faults, and offers a heart full of peace, not only carries the burdens…it obliterates it.

 So, there.  There you have it.  The reason behind the question on my faith:  “How could I?”

 How could I not continue to have faith, when despite all the challenges and oppositions thrown at me throughout my life, I still have been given so much.

 His word is clear: Believe in Him, Follow Him, Love Him and He will always be there.

 And I believe that He has overwhelmingly, kept His promise to me. I have never lived without clothing, food, or shelter and neither have my children. My heart may have been broken, but it has been filled with love so much more. I have been on dozens of wonderful vacations. I have magnificent family that makes me so happy. I love my job. I have a job. We live debt free. I have an amazing church family, where I have the privilege of touching thousands of lives.

 And then…We have two vehicles. We have air-conditioning. We have television. We have DVR. We ipods and ipads and laptops and PlayStations and on and on and on…

 Seriously…How could I not have faith that in God?

 How. Could. I. Not?

 When I have so much…whether in memories, lifestyle, people, or in tangible items…I have been blessed with so many awesome gifts in my life.

 And yet…

That list is only about 90% of the reason why I ‘still’ have faith.

 The last 10% is the easier and more obvious measure. It is the part that I truly focus on during my darkest hours, when even I am pushed to a moment where I wonder if He is there. It is also, the part I always offer someone when they challenge God’s validity by saying, “Well, maybe there are just coincidences in life and people are good.” It is the part that would make me look at an individual and say, ‘Even if I could believe that all of the amazing things that have happened to me are “coincidence”, I still have what He has created.”
Because how could any of us take even one look around us and then have any doubt that He is real and loving and ever present?

 From when I was a small child, I remember looking outside and instantly feeling warm at the promise of God’s awesomeness.   And more than once since, I have found peace and confirmation in His beauties of our world. 

 The big, beautiful clouds…

The crisp white, and baby blue skies…with orange and purples thrown in, too..

 Sunrises and sunsets…

 The trees of the darkest and brightest and most valid greens..

 The leaves of the fall…crisp and warm...

 The mountains…The power of their mightiness...

 The oceans…its beauty. Its calling. Its way of calming your soul.

 Newborn babies….

 One look at any of those physical, tangible beauties and my 90% of faith instantaneously skyrockets into infinity percent… consequently, solidifying my beliefs.

And I wonder,  how it could be different for anyone else... For every one tragedy, failure, or loss, there are always hundreds of blessings, gifts, and beauty.

For me, every single one of those bits of good favor is enough for me to believe forever.

 It’s not that believing in God and having faith in His love makes all the bad disappear or assures that your life will be perfect….Clearly, I have shown that.

 But, it does acknowledge that I am so much more than the sum of my mistakes, and that is something that is worthy of unwavering faith.

You should try it.  It doesn't make life perfect, but it let's you know that He loves you anyway.

And love, as we know, conquers all. 

I took this photo myself.  It is not photo-shopped in anyway.  This was what the sky looked like on my entire solo journey to my Grandfather's funeral.  Again, this is too easy.  How could I not?

1 comment:

  1. I love it. Faith is knowing that it will all work out in the end: that the ultimate victory belongs to the Lord, also that we will share in that victory b/c we belong to Him. Sometimes I feel like I'm crawling my way into that victory. Sometimes I feel like I'm dragging myself into it: relying on my weak arms to pull the rest of me into it. But I will get there, and so will you, and we will spend more happy times together than anything else.