I Love TOO Hard

Clearly, I had a rough week. 

 My health is good.  My husband and children are good. 

 And things are s-l-o-w-l-y getting back to "normal."

But, school and friendship have tossed some difficult challenges my way...and navigating through these has been painful.  Continues to hurt my heart.

In fact, I've lost quite a few tears this week over the above stated stresses. 

It appears that I just love so hard.  "Too hard," I actually stated.  And in that statement, I suppose, I was insinuating that if I did NOT love so hard, so much, so completely, so unconditionally...then I wouldn't be so hurt when life's paths, for me and others, goes in different directions.

I almost had myself convinced that "TOO HARD" was actually possible.  That I needed to try not to become so attached.

But, then, Friday evening, I got this:

...and my slight doubt about loving TOO much disappeared.

You see, I love these two faces, my paternal grandmother and my brother, so much it takes my breath away.  For a variety of reasons, the largest being our locations, Grandma, J.T. and my paths do not cross very much.  If I had not given so much of my heart to loving these special people, then I wouldn't miss them, and consequently, wouldn't feel sad about not having them be a part of my life.

But if I had not loved them, loved them SO hard, I wouldn't have memory after memory after memory of sweet, wonderful, hysterical, happy, and special times.

  So. Darn. Special.

Summary:  If you never loved to begin with, you lose all the moments and reasons you loved the person in the first place.  And THAT is not something I am ever willing to let go of...

For, some of the greatest lessons and moments in my life were spent in their company.

Which does not make me regret loving them TOO much. 

It makes me grateful that I GOT to love them at all.

So, I shall slightly adjust my thinking about it NOT being about ME.

It is about ME.  About me doing what my heart tells me.

And my heart strongly...DEEPly...advises me to love with all I've got.

Just the way Jesus did..and still does.

And I know I will continue to face anguish in the face of all that love.  It is just life.  So, it is confirmed that I will still shed a tear or twenty over hurt feelings or loss...

But those tears are nothing, compared to the happiness that comes with them.

I realized, with that one simple photo, that love...sharing love...is an action that I am not prepared to lessen in my life. 

For MY selfish reasons and for HIS Kingdom.

Ummpphh.  THAT feels so good.

God is good.  He listens.  He knows.  And I am grateful that I love Him, too much, too...

For the return far surpasses the investment.

P.S.  Dear God, Thank you for those two faces.  Thank you for their presence in my life.  Thank you for the act of forgiveness.  Thank you for love.  Complete, 100%, consequence-ignoring, Agape Love.   Amen