I know this, of course. I do. Although some of my immediate family would not agree, I know how to put others before myself. I actually am pretty good at it. I care about other's smiles, other's needs, and other's happiness usually before I do my own. I also attend an incredible church that does not just preach, but lives "church" daily. In order to do that, often you must sacrifice your own wants, to put the needs of those Jesus puts in your path, first or even, instead.
One of PCC's most famous mottoes is "It is not about YOU."
Every time Pastor Brian gears his message towards that topic or even makes that statement, I nod my head in agreement, and feel confident that he is correct and even pat myself on the back, saying, "Yep. It's not. It's about His people and sharing His love."
It is an area I am pretty good at...and I thrive in loving on, taking care of, or spending time comforting people. It is truly one of my gifts and one that I am grateful for....and that thankfulness continues each time I "get" to put someone else before me....by loving them in one kind gesture or another.
But, this is what I want to know? What if your HEAD knows that it is not about YOU, but your heart won't listen? What if your heart will not stop making it about YOU? And YOUR feelings? And YOUR loss? And the tears will not stop and you cannot even begin to have a rational conversation about it because YOU begin to sob?
What then?
Pray, yes. But, if I pray anymore for God to take away the anger...and complete sadness......
Well, actually, I don't think I can pray anymore about it.
So, I need a practical way to deal. And not hurt others in the process.
And as of right now, I cannot find one.
Deep, heavy-hearted, sigh. Being all grown up is sometimes so darn hard.
Kelley. You know it is hard as snot to throw in my two cents when I have no idea what's going on.
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First of all, it is...everyday...just as much about you as it is about anyone else. God loves you. He formed you in your mother's womb. He knows how many hairs you have on your head. You are His child, and He LOVES you. Even more than you are capable of loving your children! (And we both know you are capable of a lot of love for your children.)
God has a plan for your life, and--whatever the hurt you're navigating, now--He plans to use it for good. Because you love Him and HAVE been called according to His purpose.
So. Beyond the one-word answer: "Pray," this is what I would say without knowing your situation.
First, look for what you can learn from this that nothing else could ever teach you. You may or may not be able to figure it out.
Second. Everything has two sides, like a coin. Every hurt is the dark side of a blessing. So, for ex., if we grieve when someone dies, a relationship ends, we argue w/ someone, etc., we do so only b/c we first experienced love. The grief is proportionate to the love. This is not an excuse to dwell in grief; rather, it's an opportunity to allow the grief to flow through us while focusing on the love...the blessings...the reasons to give thanks. These things cannot be taken from us even if the person or relationship is gone.
It's easier said than done; I know. I could say more, but I'm tired of hen-pecking while trying to keep crayons out of the baby's mouth. Call me anytime. 598-7013.
Orpah, Yoda, Brandee
Btw...note I typed "Orpah," which was an accident but is, ironically, the name Oprah was meant to have. Orpah is a character in the Bible. The name was misspelled on the birth certificate; thus, Oprah became Oprah. Or so I've heard. Ask April Young to confirm. She's Oprah's Celebrity BFF. I'm Rob Dyrdek's. Ok. Love you. Lots.
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